It’s when you’re walking and your foot hits a crack in the path you’re walking on. You’re headed face first into the ground but you manage to catch yourself. That split second when your heart races, your hands become all clammy and times that by a thousand. That’s what it’s like living with anxiety, except that feeling of relief once you realise you haven’t fallen doesn’t go away with anxiety. When you wake up in the morning and you wish you hadn’t because when you wake up you remember how much it sucks to be awake. The world has no colour (if enough notice to detail is taken you will see the video loses colour as it goes on, at the end it is almost black and white), it’s as if Depression puts a filter over everything. Every thought is intrusive and tells you how horrible you are, that you don’t belong here or anywhere but when someone tells you otherwise you don’t believe it at all. When you combine both of these together it’s exhausting and overwhelming, it feels like you’re drowning and the voices take over. Sometimes resulting in unhealthy coping mechanisms and medication which can make you feel just numb. I invite you to focus on every detail in this film from sound to what you see, it all has a deeper meaning. I chose to document these raw emotions through film to show people what it’s like living a day in my head while attempting to normalise and show people who struggle with the same things that they aren’t alone even though I am still learning this myself.
Directed by Jorja Fuller (USA)